This would be me freaking out

Holy shit. *Sigh* Where do I begin.
Alright so this whole, "lets move to another country" idea is really biting me in the ass. Today was so rough. Well, it actually started last night. My computer is acting up. When I turn it on, it works for a few minutes and then it freezes up. I can't fix it because I know nothing about computers. It is amazing how that one little thing threw me into a depressed state. Today I thought I would try it again and still, the same problems. I have just decided to leave it turned off and eventually I will decide on what I want to do.
Anyways, it threw me off so badly that I was seriously questioning what I am doing here. Now don't get me wrong, I have asked myself that question before and thought about going home, but today I was REALLY considering it. This is some of what was running through my head:
Why the hell did you decide to do this? What is the point of you being here? Did you REALLY want to join the Peace Corps or did you just want to be challenged? If you just want to be challenged you could go back home and get a real job. I have a master's degree, I could get a job and start my life. I could find a place of my own, by actually looking in the phone book or online. Here I have to ask the post man, the shop owner, the guy on the corner if they know anyplace to rent. Seriously. My new conversation beginner is "Hi, my name is Terra and I'm a new PC volunteer. I've been in Cayo for about a month but am looking for a place to rent in January." I am now saying that to everyone and I do mean everyone. I have friends there, other people who I can talk to, other people that understand me. I could make a phone call to one of my friends without having to stare at the skype icon for an hour, waiting for it to connect, only for the connection to be lost the moment the phone starts ringing. But I could call someone whenever I want to. I could take a hot shower!!!!!!! I could take a bath! I could drive a car!!! And not have to carry an umbrella everywhere (its a necessity, you use it when the sun it too hot and when it rains, who knew). And this is the biggest one: Back home I at least thought I knew what I was doing.
So anyways guys thats what I was thinking up until about 2pm. I would go into my room for something and end up laying on my bed staring into space for a half and hour, not even remembering how I ended up in bed. But at 2pm I went to work and they were having a cooking class. The cooking class meets every week and this week they invited me to join in. I learned how to make powder buns and lasagna. It was fun! The women are great, even though I can't understand half of them. In Belize it is very common for people to speak 3 different languages all in one sentence. Its a combination of English, Kriol, and Spanish. For example: Gwail, meka bring mi da bocha (Girl, go bring me the bowl) One of my new goals is to learn Spanish. I have to admit, it is fun to listen to. By the time I was done with class I was feeling 100% better. I'm okay with being here.
This is the only time in my life where I am constantly up and down. My one friend Abbey (she is a 3rd year volunteer) explains it like this. "Right now you are bi-polar. You are going to have amazing highs and then have drastic lows. It might happen 10X a day, or once a week but it will happen. After about 6 months or a year it will level out, not go away, but level out." Right now I am okay with that. I just have to work through those low points and not dwell in them. I have to focus on the positives and keep things simple. If my computer doesn't magically fix itself then I will ship it to the States and get it fixed there. I don't want to do that but if I have to it wont be the end of the world. If I don't have a computer, the world will not stop turning. I WILL BE FINE. So guys I was going to post a blog about happy-go-lucky shit with pretty pictures, and I still will once my computer gets better, but for now you get this. Thanks for reading!! I love you all and miss you.